Sometimes...
... its scary to know that there are other filmmakers out there. It's a kind of pressure I'd rather stay away from. It's stupid I know, but its like burying my head in the sand, makes the world go away for long enough to allow me to continue working on my film. There are people out there doing amazing things and its very very heartening to know that but also disheartening, because I'm human and I want to be good at what I do, so when you find out about some 20yr old climbing Everest, its heartening (mainly because I completely accept I can't do that) but when you see a 20yr old guy who made a Sundance accepted feature length film, its encouraging (mainly because you think: okay, its possible) but also disheartening in the classic jealousy kind of way. It should be pretty obvious but it makes me feel not nice. I wonder if there is a way to enjoy that feeling.
The blog on the website is still going up.. I know, its taking too damn long but what to do. Crew is arriving in Ithaca as every day passes and really meetings are starting up. The script continues to make my mind boggle: I can't seem to decide if its great or pointless or trashy or amazing. Really, and point#2: I get all begging-for-appreciation from outside myself.
Point of inspiration: Saw Mira Nair's lectures on the Harvard website. They are so amazing. I want to re-examine my script and make sure its not grim for being grim's sake.. and I also want to enjoy the process of making films themselves... the film needs to give back to me as much as i am giving it. Finally, the process of actually showing the film to someone is beginning to mean lesser every passing day. Maybe its because the process of making the film is the be-all-end-all for me or maybe its because its easier to make the film when you don't have to worry about who is going to watch it...
O yeah, and Happy 2006!
The blog on the website is still going up.. I know, its taking too damn long but what to do. Crew is arriving in Ithaca as every day passes and really meetings are starting up. The script continues to make my mind boggle: I can't seem to decide if its great or pointless or trashy or amazing. Really, and point#2: I get all begging-for-appreciation from outside myself.
Point of inspiration: Saw Mira Nair's lectures on the Harvard website. They are so amazing. I want to re-examine my script and make sure its not grim for being grim's sake.. and I also want to enjoy the process of making films themselves... the film needs to give back to me as much as i am giving it. Finally, the process of actually showing the film to someone is beginning to mean lesser every passing day. Maybe its because the process of making the film is the be-all-end-all for me or maybe its because its easier to make the film when you don't have to worry about who is going to watch it...
O yeah, and Happy 2006!
posted by Sudhanshu at 5:07 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, Suds. I found this through your AIM profile. I know I don't have the least bit of industry experience, but I do know words and stories after having spent most of my adult life reading things. If you want any notes on your script, send it over. iambemused at hotmail dot com.
-Patrick
You are no less in your capabilities ... So stop doubting yourself - you'll be fine. just focus - in YOUR need to bring out the strengths that lie within you, in YOUR need to make a film as best as you can... Take a deep breath .. Smile ... and forge ahead! Happy 2006 too..
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